Needles and Popsicles

I chickened out last night...Kyle helped me mix my ovary stimulation meds for my first injection.  We made sure we did it just like the nurse showed us how.  We made sure the measurement of medication in the pen was correct and counted the clicks it made as I injected it into the vial of other medication...a double check to make sure I get the correct dosage of both prescriptions.  We then mixed that with some saline solution using a very long mixing needle and then switching it out with the smaller, much less intimidating injection needle. I took the needle and went to stick it in my belly and I just couldn't do it.  It's such a tiny needle, but I would get close to my skin and just freeze.  After what seemed like forever, but was probably only about a minute, I looked at Kyle and asked him to please do it for me.  I squeezed my eyes shut and waited to feel the sting...I laugh now because I honestly barely felt it.  When I opened my eyes Kyle had already injected half the medication; I felt little sheepish at that point. Tonight I had to do it all on my own and had no problem with the needle...there was no chickening out this time.  

It's still unbelievable to me that I'm really doing this. In a little over a week, I will hopefully have some little popsicles to wait in the freezer for me to be ready to put them back in my body to hopefully become little babies that I can hold in my arms and in my heart, that I can some day lament that they are growing up way too fast.  Even though I'm positive and kind of excited about the process, it's still nerve wracking.  I still wonder if it will really work and if it's really meant to be.  And it's still kind of weird to think about the fact that whatever kids that I have, hopefully, will get their start next week.  It's amazing how life works and how precious it is. It is a miracle indeed.